The third Beatle

Dear Reader,

This Monday Zachary and I auditioned a bass player by the name of Noah for our Summer tour. Things went very well, and we ended up playing an impromptu jam of Rockin In The Free World, which totally sealed the deal for me. Zachary delegated drums to Noah at the end of a new song we’ve been working on, which he pulled off with grace and skill. That totally sealed the deal for Zachary because now he has two songs where he can play ambient guitar just like The Edge. It was a really fun afternoon and we’re looking forward to Noah joining the LKBand for our longest and most extensive tour yet.

I had the chance to sit down with Noah and talk afterward, and I thought I’d share a little bit of our conversation so you can get to know him as well, because we’re all going to be best friends by the end of this so you may as well get a head start.

LKB: Okay, first things first. What is your favorite border sauce?

NDK: Well it was always fire but then I tasted hot one day and I think it might be hotter than Fire. The answer is whichever is the hottest.

LKB: Gotcha. What’s your favorite Taco Bell menu item?

NDK: Historically the Chalupa, Baja, Steak. Lately I’ve been getting the Cheesy Gordita Crunch. Volcano Tacos are always good too.

LKB: How do you feel about the Doritos Locos Taco?

NDK: I think it’s a good way for them to sell hard shell tacos to the public, but I think that the shell would be better employed as the inner layer of a Cheesy Gordita Crunch.

LKB: As one of the founders of Ratzfest, I’m sure this year will be a little bit different since you’ll be performing in addition to partying. What has been your favorite thing about the fest?

NDK: Probably the people, then the introduction of alcohol in to that group of people, and of course the jovial atmosphere that’s created by all of the music.

(Ratz, the originator of Ratzfest now joins us on the patio)

LKB: I’m interviewing Noah.

RATZ: Oh, do you want me to be filming this?

LKB: No, I’ve been using the voice memos on my phone.

NDK: WHAT, YOU’VE BEEN RECORDING THIS? I feel betrayed.

LKB: No, this is great, My fan base LOVES taco bell.

RATZ: You realize now that you have a bassist you’ve become the punk rock band on the fest, and Humans have become the singer/songwriter. You’re going to have to play a lot faster.

LKB: I’ll see what we can do about that. Okay Noah, what’s your favorite band?

NDK: My favorite band is U2, the Irish rock group. Bono, a.k.a. Paul Hewson, The Edge, who is Dave Evans, Adam Clayton, who is their bassist, and Larry Mullin Jr., who is their drummer. They started out in Dublin Ireland at Mount Temple high school, and they weren’t very good at first. Some people would argue that they never got any better, but I would disagree. Their first of many albums was released in 1980.

LKB: Do you think that Zack is kind of like the Edge when he plays ambient guitar?

NDK: I don’t think Zack’s anywhere close to the Edge.

LKB: Do you mean that metaphorically or do you mean that he’s not like U2’s The Edge? Or he’s not edgy?

NDK: There’s speculation as to why Edge was even nicknamed Edge. And there’s no real answer to that, so I can’t describe the Edginess quality when I don’t even know why Edge is called Edge.

LKB: So you don’t think Zack is like the Edge at all.

NDK: No.

LKB: Moving right along then. If you were doing Laura K. Balke karaoke, singing the song “Two Ships”, would you sing the words “two ships” or “two shits?”

NDK: If I was singing karaoke I would say “two ships” because it would be a performance I wouldn’t want to goof it. If I was singing along in the car I’d say “two shih tzus.”

LKB: How do you deal with smelly shoes?

NDK: I don’t really have any plan of action. I’d probably take them off and put them in a bag or something.

LKB: How do you deal with other people’s smelly shoes?

NDK: I wouldn’t call them out, I’d just move. It’s not that complex. And then when they figure out that everyone is leaving they’ll get the hint.

RATZ: What about when you’re trapped in a car with them?

LKB: Zack’s kinda got a problem. This is me trying to warn you about it.

NDK: You could probably put some sort of powder in his shoes when he’s not looking.

LKB: Excellent. Very constructive. Now just for the record, how do you feel about Taylor Swift?

NDK: She’s just way too cute. You know?

LKB: Oh, I don’t know. I could never get enough of anything that has to do with her, including cuteness.

NDK: But you understand what I mean, some people are just-

LKB: Well she’s not like Zooey Deschanel cute, she’s way more badass.

NDK: Zooey Deschanel cute is just stupid, it’s a girl pretending to be stupid and maybe she really is stupid.

LKB: Thank you. So back to Taylor- so she’s too cute for you to get in to as a musician or as a person. Even as a songwriter?

NDK: Well, I haven’t listened to much of her music, so I can’t say.

LKB: The reason that I ask is because sometimes when I get really tired on a long drive I listen to Taylor Swift really loud to keep myself awake… And I sing along, really loudly.

NDK: Well, Taylor Swift to you is like U2 to me. We’re going to be listening to both.

LKB: Now that I’m outnumbered by U2 fans in my own band, I suppose we can probably find a happy medium.

NDK: I’m going to be showing you all the best songs. These are not the songs you’ve heard on the radio.

RATZ: It’s your car. Remember, it’s YOUR CAR.

LKB: Okay, in closing we have a couple of questions from the fans out there on the Internet who’d like to get to know more about you.

First, Ryan asked “Why does U2 suck so bad?”

NDK: That’s a leading question. You’re trying to trick me in to answering it and if I did I’d be affirming that they suck. I’m not going to answer it.

LKB: Fair enough.

Second, April asked “Does Noah have any skills if he was stranded on a desert island?”

NDK: Well, I know how to distill salt water into drinking water. I’d need plastic wrap and a pan or something like that, but I could do it.

______________________________________________________

That’s it for now, friends. I’ve got a good feeling about this tour.

XO, LKB